Two time loser

A week ago a couple of my "friends" wanted to ride to Springdale and back. Total mileage on that ride is a little over 80. I agreed, we met at the specified hour, and the 40+ mile trip out facing a headwind the whole way. Breakfast was had, water bottles where filled and we started back. By this time the wind had changed and we faced a headwind the whole way back. It was hot, 90+ degrees by this time and I was feeling terrible.
In the booming metropolis of LaVerkin my rear tire was subject to a catastrophic failure. The entire structure of the tire blew out. We were only a couple miles from the bike shop in Hurricane so I stuck a dollar bill over the hole and cautiously made our way to Over the Edge Cycles. I asked for the cheapest tire they had, knowing that I had two brand new tires at home ready to use. They sold me this for $5


They said it had been in their shop for a couple of years and were happy to see it go. I'll bet they were happy, worst tire ever. At 15+mph the tire shimmies and goes squirly. I shouldn't complain because it got me home. Thus ended one of the worst days I have ever had on a bike.

I tell you that story to tell you this story;
This morning I had mounted my brand new Gommitalia tire and headed out for a solo assent of Utah Hill. The temps were perfect, the wind was non existent and I was feeling spry. At 2 miles from my house...kaboom, rear tire goes again. In a moment of distraction I had hit something and put an angry tear in the sidewall.
I had no dollar bill for a fix and I would rather leap into a pit of enraged vipers than call and wake my bride from her treasured slumber. At this point I should tell you that I am an Eagle Scout and my ingenuity knows few boundaries.

Here's what I came up with:


You are looking at the tear with thick and leafy plant life pilfered from someones front yard holding the tube inside. Am I not crafty? I again limped home, a perfect morning ruined but with new fodder for the blahg. Tomorrow I will attempt Utah Hill again, I will be racing Virtual Mark, I hate that guy. But that is a story for another day.