Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Open letter to Rednecks

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
Put a throttle in a mans hands and you lower his IQ by 80 points.

Dear 4 wheeler, Rhino riding, inbred, no helmet wearing, rules don't apply to me Redneck,

I saw a lot of your handiwork this morning first hand, but I have been experiencing it for a long time and I finally have to say something. Even if it is only on this blahg that only 2 people read, one of them being my Mom.
You seem to be of the opinion that as long as you are on your radical mosheen and you are in what feels like the middle of nowhere you can ride where ever want. Well sir, if you see this sign it means you can't go in there.

Even if you have wire cutters in your pocket it does not mean that it will be OK.

I don't care how long you and your "Pappy" have been coming to this very special spot in the desert, ramming the gate with your Poolaris 600 until you can get through is not acceptable behavior. I don't care what your blood alcohol level says.

For future reference if you see a trail that is only wide enough for 1 of your wheels, that does not mean that you put one side on the trail and the other side out crushing bushes. The Stucki Springs trail used to be a beautiful 20" wide singletrack and now I could drive my truck down it. Thanks for nothing.
If I am lucky enough to catch you on the wrong side of the fence, we are going to fight, and as you lay bleeding in the dirt I am going to puncture all 4 of your tires with my Crank Bros multitool. I want you to have to walk all the way back to your double wide so that you won't ever forget to stay on your side of the fence.

I know that I have made some disparaging remarks towards a certian class of people and maybe that is unfair because probably half of the offenders have a degree from BYU. Which proves my initial statement.

Does anyone know what the two most common elements in the galaxy are?? You guessed it, carbon and stupidity.


Kristin said...

Wow Mark. Me and your Mom are your only readers? I doubt that. I read your posts to Chris, so that makes 3 at least.
We agree, except I'm not quite sure whether to take offense at that BYU grad comment. Only my brothers are throttle loving rednecks, and they both went to the UofU. Perhaps you meant college grads in general? That old theme? We're not all bad you know. ;) We know enough not to purposely go to the Mandarin on a Friday night at least... well, some of us do anyway.

DW said...

Mark, sounds like you're up to 4 readers including K, C, you mum and I. Congratulations on doubling your following. All of your minions in the StG must not know of your blagh, otherwise they would SURELY be here every day, wondering what gems Westy had in store for them.

One criticism of your posts - I just wish you'd stop candy coating everything and tell us your true feelings.

Michelle & Steve said...

Loved the picture documentation. You have a right to be upset. I know you were thinking of me as your second reader. I'm so faithful and I love being recognized on your blog.